


dont ask me for a moment when you really mean for-ever, i'd rather give you never, i'd rather give you nothing

by ContrEeri



Category: Naruto
Genre: Heartache, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-23 18:26:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17688572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ContrEeri/pseuds/ContrEeri
Summary: He understands wanting, for he has always wanted. He doesn't always understand love or how to stop breaking Lee's heart.





	dont ask me for a moment when you really mean for-ever, i'd rather give you never, i'd rather give you nothing

**Author's Note:**

> We were talking on one of the GaaLee discords about how we gotta write a million fics for this pairing, so I decided to look at some of the old tumblr prompts that were asked of me that I still haven't written. Of course, I went with the sad one. The prompt was "a sad kiss"

It was always like this--quiet, desperate, fleeting. 

He always left in the silence of the late night, as early morning began to encroach upon nighttime. He always left when the village was quiet, when no one would see him, when no one would know. 

Gaara didn’t often visit Konoha, but when he did Lee’s door was always open, like his arms, like his bed, like his heart. 

But Gaara never stayed. He couldn’t. 

Lee always feigned sleep at Gaara’s departure, determined to avoid the bitterness of goodbyes; afraid that if he watched Gaara leave his tongue would run away with him, afraid that he’d beg Gaara to stay, “Just this once.” 

He knew it would never be ‘just this once’. If he asked even one time, he would ask every time. He’d never stop asking. He’d look at Gaara from across a room, and the question would be in his eyes, “Just this once? Can we have forever, just for a moment?” 

Gaara couldn’t give him forever. Wasn’t ready for forever. Didn’t know if he’d ever be. Sometimes, he thought he’d skip going to Lee’s. He’d tell himself as he arrived at Konoha’s gates, “This time I won’t go.” 

Somehow, he’d find himself at Lee’s window or at his doorstep anyways, against his better judgment, desire fighting against what he knew to be right--Lee didn’t deserve this. Lee didn’t deserve fleeting moments in the dark and secret longing. But Gaara couldn’t stop himself; he was pulled to Lee like a magnet, like the moon caught up in the earth’s orbit. He wanted Lee, he wanted Lee’s hands on him, he wanted Lee’s mouth against his, he wanted and he craved and he yearned, and he always gave in.

And Lee always let him. 

Lee wanted Gaara just as wholly, as soul-crushingly deeply as Gaara wanted him. But Lee loved him. Lee loved him down to his core, down to the last gate that Gaara knew Lee would open to save him. 

Gaara didn’t love Lee. 

He didn’t know how to love. Not like that. He didn’t think he did, at least, and he didn’t want to break Lee’s heart. He didn’t want to promise Lee ‘once’ over and over again until it turned into promises of forever, only for him to take it away when he realised one day that he couldn’t give Lee his heart the way Lee wanted; the way Lee needed; the way Lee gave Gaara his heart, his soul, his everything.

But Lee’s heart was still broken, a tangled and tattered mess. Every night that Gaara left, every window left open as Gaara fled from his bed, every quiet escape with no goodbye, every kiss, every touch, every moan, every whisper of his name. His heart was in a hundred-thousand pieces scattered across his bedroom floor, across his bed, staining his sheets red where Gaara could have been; where Gaara _should_ have been. And yet he still offered it out to Gaara, waiting for a day that would never come. 

Gaara stared at Lee’s back, at the tension highlighting the muscles there. He was a terrible liar, even without words. Gaara’s lips quirked, a small movement more like a twitch than an actual smile, yet somehow still tinged with sadness; with the ache of longing, with the regret of a love that would never be realised. 

He leaned over, reaching out to trace his hand lightly against Lee’s arm, already missing him; already yearning for the next visit. It would be months from now, maybe even a year. They always had so little time together, yet so much time apart. 

Lee’s muscles relaxed, a soft sigh escaping him as Gaara ran his hand back up Lee’s arm, to his shoulders, his neck, into his hair. Gaara brushed Lee’s hair aside, moving closer, bending down to close the gap between them. Lee stirred, ruining his lie so he could meet Gaara half way. 

The way Lee kissed made him feel hunted, made him feel as though he were being devoured, made him ache deep within. He wanted Lee to take him, to have him, to consume him. He wanted to wrap himself up in Lee and never leave. 

He pressed closer, hungry and aching, his eyes stinging, his heart beating as if it were screaming.

He broke away, breathing heavy, hands shaking as he pulled away. 

“Please,” Lee asked, the word as broken as his heart. 

“I can’t stay,” Gaara whispered against Lee’s mouth, wanting to crawl inside him, wanting to exist as close to Lee’s soul as he could get. “I--I can’t. I’m sorry.” 

He fled. He always fled. 

But he didn’t usually say goodbye. 

Perhaps this really would be the last time.


End file.
